I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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