barbara walters just said penis...
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
