just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
