that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
