he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
