Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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