i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
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we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
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