Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
We had sex on a dog bed..
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
