I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize