two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
