Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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