party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
