It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
