i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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