Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
