Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Randomize
