So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
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Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
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I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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