The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
