i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
