It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
