I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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