Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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