Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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