Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize
