My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
