Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
