tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
