I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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