that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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