awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
