You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
