I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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