my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
