I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
