please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
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Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
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You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
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