Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
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