bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
