Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
We need to get me chipped asap
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize