I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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