dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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