the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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