I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Hippo gnu deer
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
