3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
