Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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