Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
