my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Randomize
