giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
