Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
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He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
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Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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