I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
