We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
