I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
This is the prime rib incident all over again
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
