You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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