I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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