I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
