i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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