what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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