Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
We just shotgunned beers for America
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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