she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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