Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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