Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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