have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
