still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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