The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
