If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
