Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize