Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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