How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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