i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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