Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Success! We fucked roommates!
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
