When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
