Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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