Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Randomize
