She's JV to your varsity
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Panties = found
Randomize
