So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
