nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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