Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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