Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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