dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
