Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
