So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
