Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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