My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
